Greetings!

I have no idea what the time is, what I know is…. No!… I don’t even know for how long I am in this room of solitude, talking to myself and thinking about you.

You might complain that I have forgotten you, but I swear of your forgotten smile that I have not forgotten you. It is just that for some reasons time goes on and on and I don’t remember you, but believe in me I have no issue that you don’t think of me at all.

It is possible that you still remember me and think about me, but I have done nothing to be remembered. I am not worth that you waste your time by thinking about me.

Sometimes, I feel that time has tied a heavy stone on my back and thrown me in the ocean of pain and worries and it itself has escaped; and poor me is drowning deep in every split of time.

You know these people think I am psychologically ill. They blame me for my conditions. They think I have willingly done this to myself.

Yes! You know I puzzled the words and told you, but meaning stands the same. In reality they say nothing is fucking wrong with me, and call me a poet that is why I have made myself alike. But, I know very well that I am not a poet at all. You are a poet. I am…. me…. I myself don’t know what the hell I am… I am nothing at all…!

I am missing you a lot today. How much a loving person you are. You love travelling. You love being with friends. You pass a smile to everyone you talk to. But, I never bother myself to travel in my imaginations. The word “friend” is something new for me, and smile… leave that one.

Should I inform you something? But don’t laugh okay. One day I was in company of myself, at that moment suddenly I recalled something and thus I ended up crying my heart out. I cried too much. Now don’t ask what I recalled. Okay, listen ahead. While crying that loud I realized it was me. Today, I was crying and then there I started laughing at myself at the same time. Simultaneously, outside the room people heard me crying and laughing.

After a while I listened they were talking about me. Do you know what were they saying?? They were saying that this man has totally gone mad. Take him to a psychiatrist. I don’t give a shit about what they think of me. If they think I am crazy or willingly I have turned myself into this, THAT IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS. Human are born free and I, too, am a free man. I have free will, whatever I do is up to me. Let the people talk. I don’t damn care.

A little bit I have studied psychology and if from the viewpoint of these studied books I look at myself: no doubt, I am knotted with the thread of multifold psychological problems. If I look at these symptoms of psychological disorders then I am in nervous breakdown. You know very well why I am in this all. Anyway, this is not the only one. Hold on, I have just started informing you. We have melted our brain by thinking nonsense. Now hold your feet tight that we both are psycho.

You know I can’t communicate to anyone these days. I don’t remember when was the last time I talked to someone. You might be thinking that I am suffering from communication disorder then you are absolutely right. Well, it is not something to be troubled about.

These days I am depressed. I feel I am suffering insomnia because for two long weeks I have not slept for a while. I have tried a lot but failed every time. Then again who cares about that.

You will surely think that after a long time why the hell I have written this letter to you. I have an important work with you. Don’t panic it is not that giant type of work. Actually I wanted to tell you that I am tired of accompanying myself. After thinking a lot I have concluded that now it is time to free up the soul from the prison of this body. Do you agree with me? Uhh, you must agree indeed. Think about me for a while. Life for me is like that shattered dream which I don’t even remember when the oceans of eyes have spoiled it far away.

You might think that why I am fed up of my life. But believe me if time gives me the choice of selecting one between the life and death then I swear hundred percent I will go with death. That is the sole reason of writing this letter to you because you are the only one close to me. Now you must depart me too.

Your self, who has forgotten you but yet is yourself…!

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The writer is a Baloch poet-cum-writer & a former teacher at DELTA. His interested fields are philosophy, Balochi literature, psychology, music & photography.